critical mass

metal gear, meryl
So the scale was telling me an increasingly distressing story. I knew my snacking at work had gotten out of control. So I stopped.

It's.. rough, but easier than I anticipated.

company and running and investing

metal gear, meryl
my stock purchases have not gone well 8)

I guess I didn't post here about it, but if you scroll down a couple of entries to the halloween one, just know that I sprained my ankle pretty badly on Halloween as a result of being a witch. I got health insurance in December, and by the time I saw a physical therapist at the first of this month, it was almost healed. She gave me some exercises and milestones to reach before starting to run.

I've been fantasizing about it for months. I'm dreading actually being able to do it, because I've gained about 15 pounds and lost any stamina I had. Back when I was playing ping-pong at the training center, and doing cardio twice a week. Got a lot of lost distance to recover. Ayyyy


my company has run off another good employee, one who I found very inspiring and stimulating. As much of a huge improvement it's been for me, it's still easy to see how relatively poorly compensated we are. But everyone thinks that about their work. We'll see how I feel after a year. I heard someone answer the question "How long did you work at X?" a while ago, and they gasped with awe at the answer "about 2 years". So long, right?


My parents are talking about moving out here. Not to LA, but north of the valley. The houses they have looked at make my mind spin in circles. They're both disabled/retired, how could they possibly work out something? I guess they expect me and my family will take over the mortgage... It could work, but I freeze up thinking of abandoning the house on the mountain back in Arkansas. When we moved there in '91, I hated it. I wanted to move back to the trailer next door we had come out of (a family of five in a double-wide). A few years later, one of my parents asked me if I still wanted to move, and I was aghast. I loved the house and the yard and the pasture and the woods and the bluff.

We'll see, I guess!

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Jan. 10th, 2014

metal gear, meryl
I had a dream I was pregnant, had a baby boy, fed him a bowl of rice, then left to explore the countryside and visit a tech fair. I was still pregnant-fat (I think this reflects more on my holiday weight gain than on my recent sexual undertakings), so I couldn't climb the staircase to view some of the exhibits. I appealed to a young grad student watching a booth, and she let me use their moving sidewalk exhibit to raise me over the steps and up to the next floor of exhibits. The sidewalk was a little mat about the size of a coffee table book, made of bamboo shoots that rolled over one another to move forward under your feet. Upstairs was an exhibit of magnetic crystals. They'd clump together to about the size of a pea, but larger than that and they'd fall apart under their weight.

a very bizarre, yet enjoyable dream.

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Status Update

metal gear, meryl
Summary of the last week:

worked out with 5lb weights two times
practiced ch. 21 kanji two times

Lola is not using the scratching post my dad made very much. I wonder if the texture feels bad to her or what is the matter. Anytime I see her scratching, I pick her up and put her on it. I've removed her old one because she was just using it instead. We'll see.

my initiative to not eat out so much is off to a poor start, but today I did resist the urge to purchase some cookies at Trader Joe's, so that's something, at least.

I've also decided to finally complete my scottrade account. Going to gird myself and make the market plunge.

new year

metal gear, meryl
something I have joked about in the last couple of months after being promoted to working onsite with my development team is the idea of leading a Scrum lifestyle.

and idk, I don't really care for new years resolutions, there's a lot of things I'd like to work on. Resolutions are often posed in "stop xxx", which is a lot harder to commit to than "do xxx", I think. Your conscious has to be constantly listening for you to be on the threshold of doing whatever verboten activity, but to do something, you can just set reminders for yourself, as long as you commit to follow through.

so maybe I'll just try the agile approach. I'll have a sprint planning party with myself (you're all invited), have a sprint, then check up afterwards. Might as well do something with livejournal, you know?

Tags:

metal gear, meryl
Myra Breckinridge;
Endymion; started reading this, got kind of turned off it
Anathem; listened to the audio book, LOVED it!
Tigiana
Dark Places: A Novel
The Graveyard Book
Snow Crash; read this on my phone; really liked it
Time Traveller's Wife
The Giver (again); I think I did end up reading this again. I don't remember what I thought exactly
The Real Story
House of Leaves
The Blade Itself
Death From the Skies
The Ethos Effect
Ender's Game; read this, kind of interested in seeing the movie, but it's such a shame about the author...
Accidental Sorceror
Elantris
Lord Foul's Bane; started reading this, but really did not get into it at all.
The Belgariad
When Gravity Fails (marid audran)
Naked Lunch

Adding my phone list:
The Hunger Games
The Lovely Bones
The Kite Runner
Water for Elephants
The Time Traveler's Wife
My Life in the Bush of Ghosts
Count of Monte Cristo (again)
Game of Thrones (the first one again and the rest of the series)
Guns, Germs, and Steel
Nothing But the Truth: A Documentary
Celia- A Slave

Tags:

Two more sleeps til Halloween!

mermaid


I'm going to wear my witch costume again. I wore silk specter two years in a row, and that princess gown two years as well. It's economical, plus you have a better idea of how to pull it off the second time!

 

I got our pumpkin tonight. I wasn't going to start carving, but my dovely asked why I wasn't, and I thought that there'd be no guarantee I'd feel more like doing it tomorrow, so might as well do some. It's cat o'lantern for a third year, and I'm definitely getting better at that.

 

Lola is in the window, looking out into the autumn night. The clouds are low and gleaming white, reflecting the light from the city

 

Or metropolis more correctly. ロサンゼルス郡

on music

metal gear, meryl
When I was younger, I had a very intimate relationship with my mp3 collection. (You can probably read more about it in this journal. )

stuck on dialup, you can't download music faster than you can listen, so when you are waiting the 15-20 minutes to download a 3mb mp3, you can listen to that 3 minute song 5 times.

We got dsl in 2005, so from 2001-2005, I listened to each song a lot

after getting dsl, suddenly listening to a song was about the same time as downloading a song. my music collection exploded, but I stopped being able to narrowly pin down exactly [I]what month[/I] I could define by listening to any particular group of songs.

Sometime between the last years of high school and starting college, I stopped listening to music every waking moment at home. This also distanced me from the tracks I did listen to.


Today, I listened to one of those songs from the early period, one of those which besides repeating it until the next mp3 hit came, I would play on repeat all weekend just [I]because[/I].

and it was like being punched in the heart. I searched iTunes for the songs rated five stars, and just looking over the names, I felt so emotional. I turned on shuffle and have just been listening to them while writing this post with this stupid bittersweet grimace of nostalgia.

Remembering the times of my life when I listened to these songs, the individual perfect moments to which they have served as soundtracks, the friends who sacrificed the bandwidth to gift them to me, the old familiar feelings they first evoked when listening to them on repeat.

Tags:

Oshit

space rinoa


There is a livejournal app for android. Well I'll be. Something longer form than twitter without being exposed to all those people I know irl!

 

Tonight I realized I have forgotten the companies that have hosted my site over the years. I remember about every other... That's a lot of gaps.

 

My psychologist has started me on Zoloft to taper off the Celexa.  I don't have a baseline anymore, thanks to the last few months of work being insane, so it may be difficult to gauge the effect. 

 

I've taken genetic Celexa since the middle of 2008.  this was prompted by going to France, and completely losing my shit whenever I would have to speak French. When I came back and felt panicked walking through a store, something had to changed.

 

During the summer of shit going down in 09, I briefly tried to go off it (taking nothing else) and did not care for the side effects.
The next summer, my psychologist at the uni health center added Buspar. I had spent that summer in Atlanta, a place I loved, doing a research project that made me want to throw myself under a bus.

 

That served me well enough-they are cheap and the only problem was hunting down a doctor to prescribe them to me. But like I said, my stresses have skyrocketed. Start getting careless on purpose when crossing streets, waking up in the morning with entire customer interaction histories in my mind, unable to stop brainstorming responses, or worrying what they will respond with.
My heart will flutter, skip beats, be far too noticeable. I had read that the FDA had reduced its max dosage recommendation for Celexa on account of hear issues resulting from it.

 

But, work is gradually becoming more manageable, hopefully the zoloft will treat me well, and I can come out of hibernation. Back in summer, I wondered what to do with my time.  Now I daydream about having some.

 

Soon!

Tags:

and day two

metal gear, meryl
My goals for today were
a) to mail a DMV form to my dad so he could sign off my AR title
b) make an appointment to renew my insurance papers so I can get state subsidized birth control
c) cook a dinner
d) maybe do a little planting

It was a lot easier to get up, due to the lack of Daylight Savings, but it came around to bite me really hard in the ass. I thought that the parking garage's lights would be on by 5:30, but they weren't. Guess they wait until 6. I mean, I know it isn't, but it just feels dodgy being up there in the dark.

So as for my plans, I made my way through traffic on hold with the doctor's office, only to find out that since all I do have to do is fill out paperwork, they won't actually make me an appointment. So I get to try to go before work tomorrow and hope nothing takes a long time. Wish they could have told me this when I went in last month, but no, I get to find out when my bill at the pharmacy comes up to $106. Like whaaaaat?

I only teared up for a moment, but I was frustrated a little longer at the idea that I could've gotten this over with on saturday. Last week I'm sure I would've been weeping for 15 minutes at least! I'm hoping that depressive fit is done with, but with a visit to the psych on Friday, it's unlikely to end on a high note! But three day weekend should go a long ways to assuaging that.

So then, I work on making out an envelope and cute little note to my dad to go on the DMV form. I realize I can go to a little postal center on lunch to mail it and plan to do so.

Turns out they want $9 to ship it priority with delivery confirmation ;_;! Should've shipped it from work and just paid back the mail room guy.

but hopefully it will be worth it and I will get it back in one piece.

At the same plaza with the mail center is Fancy Grocery store, and they were having a sale on steak! So we got a steak and some potatoes to mash, and I totally forgot to eat my lunch because I was having a good time and actually I kinda filled up on peanut butter pretzel balls at my desk... so... But the pizza I brought I just ate for dinner, because it turns out my dovely didn't want to have the dinner tonight, which is just as well as he gets home half an hour after me, which is when I usually do the cooking, but he had the steak and the potatoes, and to make a long run-on sentence end, I was unable to cook them.

So instead I planted one of the paperwhite bulbs I got at the garden center yesterday. I poked drainage holes in the bottom of a plastic thai take out dish, put about an inch of dirt in, placed a bulb with roots down, put dirt on top, sprayed lightly with water, and placed it in my peace lily plant to let the roots develop a little. I'm eager to see what happens!

and now, after a night of discussing politics on IRC, I am ready for election day!

just felt like typing a lot

metal gear, meryl
Cibie says that I can post to LJ by typing on my keyboard, so here's giving it a shot.

Today, I woke up and thought 'damnit I am not sleeping in all day like I did yesterday' so I got up and discovered that due to Daylight Savings ending, it was only 9:30.

I got up and made an omelet with mushrooms and onion and fed Lolacat (i.e. shook her food bowl). Dessert for breakfast was a mini-Snickers bar that I got for the trick or treaters that never came to our door.

I spent some time browsing through the script of Hamlet after watching Hamlet 2000 last night in #outerheaven (Saturday night Internet Pirate Television). I keep thinking about this essay I wrote about Ophelia and her flowers for AP English in high school, but I can't bring myself to actually reread it. shuddering here. Turns out Ophelia doesn't get a hell of a lot of speaking lines. Hamlet 2000 did a pretty good job of chronicling her descent into angsty madness, I thought.

I browsed through the mail, holding onto a few coupons for car services (my dovely needs a smog check, and my car needs an oil change) and ripped a taxi service ad off a nice refrigerator magnet. Now I just have to think of something clever or pretty to attach to it.

There was also a brochure for classes held by my city/civic center. The Ballroom Dancing for Couples sounded interesting, as well as Knitting 101 at the library. My friend had expressed interest in learning, and I've never learned myself, plus it's free! so we'll see. I have my doubts about getting my dovely interested in dancing, though

I remembered that I had wanted to purchase some daffodil bulbs in order to start wintering them to bloom in spring. Turns out there was a highly rated garden center south of here, and they had bulbs in stock.

When my dovely awoke, I immediately stole all of his clothes for the purpose of washing laundry, while he took to playing Real Survival mode in Resident Evil (GC). This is the fifth RE game we've played; we started with RE1 2 and 3 on PSN classixxxx, then RE: Code Veronica on PS2. After playing so many up-rezzed PS1 games on our PS3, seeing a PS2 game over component cables looked... weird. But beautiful! Then RE:game cube version on the Wii, which is noticeably not up-rezzed, but still lovely. The high color pre-rendered backgrounds are very fulfilling.

While the laundry was percolating downstairs (have you ever heard of a three story apartment complex having one laundry room?) I worked on separating the pumpkin guts from the pumpkin pulp from the Cat o'Lantern we carved last week. (You can see what Lolacat thinks of Cat o'Lantern. Unlike all the other cats that roam wild across the plains of our apartment complex, she does not hiss or bat her claws at Cat o'Lantern.) It took me a lot of googling to decide which part of the pumpkin you actually cook, but luckily I had scraped plenty out when carving that I think I have enough for my milkshake schemes. I microwaved it for half an hour in 5 minute increments, stirring each time (and eventually draining the excess water). Due to the scraping, there wasn't much need to puree the pumpkin, which was good because I tried it in my blender anyway, to no great effect. I'm thinking my blender is kinda shitty.

After laundry, we went on the great garden center adventure. Turns out it's a lot further than I thought, but there's all kinds of great stuff. And since it's Fall, everything was on sale; I got out of there for like $25 despite buying a large planter, a large bag of potting soil, and the daffodil bulbs I've been idly dreaming of.

I also got some paperwhite bulbs, in honor of a paper I read many years ago that explains how to grow miniature paperwhites by adding alcohol. Turns out that the bulbs are pretty creepy looking, like a garlic in the back of the cabinet long forgotten.

My dovely also suggested some catnip for Lolacat to frolic in. The aeonium my coworker gave me has more or less given up, so that will be an idea use for that pot.
(I have also placed random pumpkin seeds in all my pots to see if any of them do anything. I didn't remember from my first grade pumpkin seed growth experiment whether you're supposed to put them tip down or tip up, so I did a mixture of each.
I also pulled up my orange lilies that got dried out and shriveled up. They each have new little bulbs forming in their roots, so I'm optimistic about them coming up again next year.

I started another onion, since the last one hasn't really taken off. Whenever I get to the end of an onion for cooking purposes, I usually drop it in a pot so that it will grow onion greens, which are good for omelets and egg drop soup. Garlics will do the same thing, but I don't run through them as fast.

After the garden center, the next step was to get ice cream for the pumpkin milkshake I ultimately intend to consumer. The best place in Los Angeles county to get ice cream is Handel's, which is an Ohio transplant. This location has some pretty good pizza in the same lot, so that was dinner, then S'mores ice cream (with a graham cracker flavored ice cream base, small slabs of chocolate, and honest to god marshmallows bedded in) was dessert.

After that, we returned home with our quart of plain vanilla and found that it was completely dark already. Hurrah for daylight being squandered! However, the effect is to make me feel like I have a lot more time before bed, so I kinda like it.

At any rate, back online, I got to thinking about people I'd been lj friends years before, and after an hour or two of googling them, decided I felt like blogging.

So here you have it!

Aug. 21st, 2012

metal gear, meryl
Life is pretty stable for the time being. Hopefully it will remain so.

meow meow meow meow meow lola cat <3

Jan. 1st, 2012

metal gear, meryl
My 2011 Resolutions:

Budget Money
Graduate
Get a job
Move
Get Fit


I fucked up budgeting money, but luckily I Graduated, Got a Job, and Moved, so it was less of a problem than it would've been otherwise.

Get Fit is kinda up for grabs. I gained a lot of weight over the summer, but then lost ~10-15 after moving to CA.

On the whole, 2011 was a very good year. My emotions were relatively stable, despite some major stress related to getting hired. I had the best last semester I could've hoped for, spending lots of good times with my friends and classmates.

Year summary and wrap upCollapse )

For 2012, I resolve to get Lola cat back in my life for good, keep up the good work on weight loss and fitness, and be brave when my work contract is up in April. Maybe I'll get an engineering position then, or another position at Konami? There's all sorts of potential!

Happy new year, everyone!

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Dec. 18th, 2011

hp, lupin
I'm not really into doing much. I've been playing more video games, which is probably a side-effect from my job. I can't think of anything that I'm really passionate about lately, hobbywise. I don't feel that I'm missing anything, but it does make for boring livejournal entries.

Tags:

Nov. 29th, 2011

metal gear, meryl
I had a dream that I was helping a friend clean house, and I discovered that Lola Cat had been trapped in a back room for two or three months, covered in cobwebs, surviving off of whatever rodents she could catch. She was dirty, and thin with her ribs sticking out, but I was so relieved to find her that I couldn't even berate my friend for having lost track of her for so long.

Tags:

update

metal gear, meryl
Guys, having a job and something to do all day is so amazing. Even if I'm exhausted when I get home and pass out promptly at 9:30 every night.

LOWERED DEPRESSION AND IMPROVED SELF-WORTH YAY.



Things are pretty good right now. I'm not sure what we're going to do over the holidays. My parents have started talking about possibly visiting in January though! Exciting~

my dovely had his birthday this week, and mine is coming up soon. and holidays are starting up, and I bought wrapping paper, and!

Mississippi Personhood Amendment

metal gear, meryl
Originally posted by gabrielleabelle at Mississippi Personhood Amendment
Okay, so I don't usually do this, but this is an issue near and dear to me and this is getting very little no attention in the mainstream media.

Mississippi is voting on November 8th on whether to pass Amendment 26, the "Personhood Amendment". This amendment would grant fertilized eggs and fetuses personhood status.

Putting aside the contentious issue of abortion, this would effectively outlaw birth control and criminalize women who have miscarriages. This is not a good thing.

Jackson Women's Health Organization is the only place women can get abortions in the entire state, and they are trying to launch a grassroots movement against this amendment. This doesn't just apply to Mississippi, though, as Personhood USA, the group that introduced this amendment, is trying to introduce identical amendments in all 50 states.

What's more, in Mississippi, this amendment is expected to pass. It even has Mississippi Democrats, including the Attorney General, Jim Hood, backing it.

The reason I'm posting this here is because I made a meager donation to the Jackson Women's Health Organization this morning, and I received a personal email back hours later - on a Sunday - thanking me and noting that I'm one of the first "outside" people to contribute.

So if you sometimes pass on political action because you figure that enough other people will do something to make a difference, make an exception on this one. My RSS reader is near silent on this amendment. I only found out about it through a feminist blog. The mainstream media is not reporting on it.

If there is ever a time to donate or send a letter in protest, this would be it.

What to do?

- Read up on it. Wake Up, Mississippi is the home of the grassroots effort to fight this amendment. Daily Kos also has a thorough story on it.

- If you can afford it, you can donate at the site's link.

- You can contact the Democratic National Committee to see why more of our representatives aren't speaking out against this.

- Like this Facebook page to help spread awareness.


on moving

metal gear, meryl
I was looking through my old photos for pictures of young Mussie/Fatdog and was struck by how many different places I've lived and the possessions that were important enough to me that I had to take them to each new place.

two dorm rooms, an apartment with stu, my own apartment, another dorm, and now out here in CA.

going into college as a freshman, I never dreamt that the little desk supply drawer would grow to be such an indispensable piece. Thinking about it now, those three teal drawers kinda function like a rich person's personal assistant, giving me what I need nearly as quickly as I think about it (except stamps. I keep forgetting to buy stamps)

there are a couple of big heavy plastic plates that I've toted around to all of these places. I think we got them in the late 90s. I used them every day as a kid and a teen, and most days today.

Brian Carper/Dr Unne gifted me some origami sometime, and since it's lightweight and almost guaranteed not to break in transit, the whole set comes along (A dragon, a rose, a frog, a carp, a lizard)

After I repainted them, I couldn't bear to let my wizard dude and forest maiden stay away from me. I spent so many hours just looking at them and painting them in elementary school. Not really fantasizing or making up stories, but they basically serve as mystical/fantasy archetypes and have for a long time.

I took some of my art nouveau posters to Atlanta last summer, and have them up now. I bring the little PuPu and Moogle, and a music box that plays Moonlight Sonata.

Tags:

Sep. 2nd, 2011

metal gear, meryl
You know, of all the wrecks I've been involved in my life, they've all been while I was a passenger with my mom.

That's not to say I blame her, it's probably that most of them occurred when I was a kid and she was the one who drove me then.

But of all the close calls I've had since I've started driving, well, they were close calls.

Until today!

there isn't a happy ending, but there is a determined and a everyone-still-has-all-their-limbs-intact ending. Which is about as good as you wish when semis get involved.

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